Feather Duster
by Feared-Director
Summary: -SLASH- Part two. Soapy foamy baths. Fun.
1. tidy

Feather Duster  
  
Captain Kevin Darling was a tidy man. An obsessively clean one. Given his placement, an 'office boy' as it were, he was perfectly suited for the job. It was kind of funny really, the office was alway organized. Always clean.  
  
The books, for instance. The are constantly reorganized. By size, by colour, by author, by title.  
  
Sometimes, General Melchett would wake up to find his socks oganized by colour.  
  
Darling didn't like Captain Blackadder. He was messy. He'd come in and move things and put his hat where hats were not supposed to be. Occasionally he'd look at one of the books on the shelf and he wouldn't put it back where it belonged, or he wouldn't put it back altogether. It didn't occur to Darling the Captain Blackadder lived in the trenches where 'organized' was when you knew to keep yourself out of the line of fire. Where everything was so dirty, there wasn't even a point on trying to keep clean. Blackadder was dirty and grimey and untidy. Darling didn't like Captain Blackadder.  
  
No, Captain Darling didn't like Captain Blackadder at all. Not a bit. Or at least he thought so. Darling puzzled his feeling towards Blackadder. They were somewhere in between fanatical hate and fervent affection.   
  
No. It wasn't that Darling didn't like Blackadder. It was that Blackadder confused him. Darling didn't like being confused. He preferred to know what was going on at all times. And so when he heart leapt to see the captain struting into his office, calling him Darling, like a term of endearment and then, seconds later to be insulted unyeildingly. It was very taxing on his thought process.  
  
The sensible, logical part of Darling told him to go with the hate. Hating was easier, Blackadder seemed to return that paticular feeling and you didn't get shot for hating someone the same rank and gender as you.  
  
You did get shot for acting on any affections you might have for any officers who happened to be the same gender as you.  
  
Everything seems so hush hush when it comes to love.  
  
Darling smiles as he thinks about the whole 'Georgina' affair.  
  
a/n: tbc ^_^ 


	2. bathtub

belated disclaimer: Don't own anything. If I did I wouldn't be writing this.  
  
The next thing Blackadder knew, he was up to his elbows in warm soapy water. Darling was there too. In full uniform (okay, no hat...no gun either) sleeves rolled up and cleaning him with a sponge, sponging his right arm, specifically. This was new, and unusual. And unexpected.  
  
Blackadder gave Darling a look. A "so...what-the-hell-are-you-doing?" look.  
  
"I'm... I'm..." Darling was lost for words, he searched for them in his mind and never stopped the smooth, lulling sponging of Blackadder. "I'm cleaning you."  
  
"Yes, I can see that, Darling." Darling's heart jumped, just like it always had, just like it always would. "What I want to know is...well, why?"  
  
"Well..." Darling started, continuing to sponge. "I like to be clean." He wasn't entirely certain what he was saying, but it made sense. "I like things I like to be clean." He paused. "I like you, so I'm cleaning you."  
  
Blackadder was quiet. The sponge moved to his chest. Darling concentated fully on his task. Getting every grain and mud and grime and trench off of Blackadder's skin without hurting him. He reached for the soap.  
  
"You like the things you like to be clean, eh?" Blackadder mumbled. "That explains a bit, doesn't it, Darling?"   
  
"Kevin." Darling whispered to himself. "My name is Kevin."  
  
"I'm sorry, Darling?" Darling's heart jumped slightly again.  
  
"My name is Kevin." he said, slightly louder. Blackadder was quiet again. The sponge moved to the left arm. Sponge, sponge, sponge.  
  
"You want me to call you Kevin?" Blackadder asked, Darling nodded. Blackadder didn't ask why. Not yet. Darling stops sponging. Blackadder gives him a 'why'd-you-stop?' look.  
  
"I'm done your upper body." He said. Blackadder was quiet, then he reached for the sponge and cleaned the rest of him. Dalring sat back in the bath and licked bits of foam off of his chest.  
  
"I don't know why you bother." Blackaddr said. "You're surronded by foam. It's your fault the bloody foam is in here. And yet you flick it away."  
  
"I don't really like foam." Darling said. "I just put it in here so you'd be more comfortable."  
  
"So I'd be more comfortable." Balckadder's sponge floated briefly on the water before sinking. "You bloody kiidnapped me and forced me into a bath, which you are also sitting in and bloody sponge bath me and you're hoping a few bubbles will make me more comfortable?"  
  
There was an uncomfortable silence. Darling started picking at his sleeve.  
  
"I-I-I'm sorry." He stuttered. "It made sense at the time."  
  
"Oh, of course it did. Forty-five minutes ago the little voices in your heads said 'Kidnapping and equally ranked officer, bringing him back to your quarters, stripping him and bathing him are NOT ways to get yourself shot." Blackadder splashed indignantly. "And will have absolutely no effect on your or his reputation."  
  
Darling was quiet. He sat, looking at the foam, on hand frozen on where it was picking at his uniform.  
  
"You..." Darling paused, so as to get the right words out. "Your 'reputation' is fine. The general owes me a favour. You're fine."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
Darling looked at Blackadder. He smirked.  
  
"Me?" He said, a puzzled look on his face. "Oh, right me." He grinned. "I kidnapped you. I'm crazy. I'll get sent to an institution. Or sent out into the trenches. Both are the perfect place for the mentally unbalanced."  
  
There was silence. The occasionaly splishing and splashing indicated the sponge was being used for it's cleaning purpose.  
  
"I'm done." Blackadder said. Darling looked at him, confused. "The bath." He clarified. "I'm clean."  
  
"Oh." Said Darling. "Then... you'll be wanting your clothes, right?"  
  
"Yes." Blackadder said, Darling stood up, his uniform completely soaked and sloppeds and splutted out of the room, closing the door behind him. Blackadder winced as he heard the general oudside the door.  
  
"Good God, man. What happened to you?" Blackadder held his breathe.  
  
"Oh! Sir. I tripped over the edge of my bathtub and fell in before I could get undressed." Darling said, Blackadder was shocked. He didn't think that Darling could lie to the General so fluidly.  
  
"You didn't drop your gun in it, I hope?" The General said, tone warning.  
  
"Oh no, sir! I always remove my gun from my person before running the water. Wouldn't want to damage her." Darling said, the General made a 'mmm' noise and walked off. Blackadder sighed softly in relief.  
  
Darling returned a few minutes later bearing a clean, dry and warm uniform. Blackadder's clean, dry and warm uniform.  
  
He handed Blackadder a fresh white towel and took one for himself. He then snitched the left corner and proceeded to strip and dry himself off. Blackadder stood floored for a minute, before coming to his senses, shaking whatever it was that just hit him with a large brick and changing back into his clothes.  
  
Happily dried and cleaned, Blackadder and Darling turned to look at eachother. Darling cast his gaze on his feet, looking guiltily at them.  
  
"'M sorry." He mumbled. As it had been before, and would be many times again, it was quiet.  
  
Blackadder opened his mouth to speak. And closed it again.  
  
Be it known that actions speak louder than words.  
  
Dalring hadn't any warning, Blackadder wasn't wearing any shoes. He was quick and quiet. Before Darling knew what was happening he was.. he was kissed. This was unexpected. And new. And quite fun, really.  
  
It was warm, and oddly clean. Soapy even. Caused by the bath, no doubt. Rough too, not rough rough, but it felt rough, rough from days adn weeks and monthes and years in the trenches.  
  
Darling was damn glad he'd made Blackadder bathe. Imagine the terrible unhygenic things that would be going on in his mouth it he hadn't.  
  
Blackadder sat him down on a chair and stood in front of him, hands on hips.  
  
"You do realize anything and everything that happens in this room from this moment on will not leave it. Nothing is to change. When I leave, which I will have to, I hate you. You hate me. Got it?" Darling nodded. "Not to say," He added. "That this won't be happening again. I am a talented liar. And you... you..."  
  
"Have a bed?" Darling suggested.  
  
"Good enough reason." Balckadder said.  
  
And so it went on. Blackadder used his talent for lying. And Darling kept the office tidy. Every other evening, Captain Blackadder would appear on the other side of the desk, put his hat where hats were not to go, snipe, bicker, get reprimanded by the General and then excuse themselves. They always wound up in Captain Darling's quarters. And Blackadde always had a bath.  
  
And the next morning, without fail, one could always find Captain Darling cleaning his feather duster.  
  
a/n: I think that feather duster thing might have been a dity joke. But I can't tell. Which is sad. Since I wrote this.  
  
Also, yeah, it kinda jumps around. And I think it's really bad. Sorry. I'll do better next time. 


End file.
